after a looooooong time, i came across a beautiful song, that perfectly fits. endha paatta kettalum adhula unna theduren suji nu solvella.. andha maadhiri indha paattula, i saw 'us'.

this song need not necessarily be between lovers.

it fits so well for me and you, when our relationship cannot be put in any suitable definition, when we cannot surely say, you are 'this' to me.. bcoz, we still do not know what that 'this' mean!

"கடலினில் மீனாக, இருந்தவள் நான்
உனக்கென கரை தாண்டி வந்தவள் தான்,
துடித்திருந்தேன் தரையினிலே ..
திரும்பிவிட்டேன் என் கடலிடமே .."

I just cannot explain this.. hope you understand these lines and relate it with my situation easily..

"ஒரு நாள் சிரித்தேன் மறு நாள் வெறுத்தேன்,

உன்னை நான் கொல்லாமல் கொன்று புதைத்தேனே,
மன்னிப்பாயா ..மன்னிப்பாயா ..மன்னிப்பாயா .."

ஆழமான வரிகள்! many times i have done this to you... i would smile and show all my affection to you, pour out my love for you, send you mails after mails and cards after cards...sometimes i would show all my anger, sorrow towards you, hurt you with my words without understanding your situation, that would have been a real hell for you..

when i heard these lines.. i really felt bad about myself. True..at many times, unnai kollamal kondru pudhaiththirukkiren, SORRY FOR THAT da... I am really sorry..

and you have told me time and again that you love me lots. you had told me that i have guided you in the right path, else you would not have had your ambitions fulfilled and I changed your life.. now read these words what the male sings:

காற்றிலே ஆடும் காகிதம் நான், நீதான் என்னை கடிதம் ஆக்கினாய்,

அன்பில் தொடங்கி அன்பில் முடிக்கிறேன், என் கலங்கரை விளக்கமே ..

i see you in these lines and feel you too! you have stressed your love and affection for me many different times, assured me that all others are many miles apart, you have kept me in a pedestal and i am everything to you.

but sometimes I doubted your love, i had thought, if you will forget me in life, if you will leave me and go.. i have questioned you many times, why did you ever come in my life? feel bad for that now. i have told you that i cry at nights missing you, your love....

ஏன் என் வாழ்வில் வந்தாய் கண்ணா நீ ..

போவாயோ கானல் நீர் போலே தோன்றி..
அனைவரும் உறங்கிடும் இரவெனும் நேரம்,
எனக்கது தலையணை நனைத்திடும் நேரம் ..

and this song ends again with the male voice re-assuring that

கண்ணே தடுமாறி நடந்தேன்,
நூலில் ஆடும் மழையாகி போனேன்,

உன்னால் தான் கலைஞனாய் ஆனேனே ..
தொலை தூரத்தில் வெளிச்சம் நீ,
உனை நோக்கியே எனை ஈர்க்கிறாயே..

மேலும் மேலும் உருகி உருகி உனை எண்ணி ஏங்கும் இதயத்தை என்ன செய்வேன் ..

this re-assurance from you.. i always get... and i am happy for the same.

but why should i get re-assured? why should i get doubt in the first place? why do i hurt you many times in spite of understanding your love for me?

is it just possessiveness?????????